it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
Randomize