I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
Randomize