Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
But theres a keg here and me gusta
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Randomize
