Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
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