I don't get it.
Me neither.
But I masturbated to it anyway.
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
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