If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
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