Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
Randomize
