She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
Randomize
