Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
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