It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
Randomize
