i always forget guys have bellybuttons
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
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