oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
Randomize
