remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
normally i wouldnt have blown him but he was on dawsons creek.. i love dawsons creek.
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
Randomize
