Im at strip club and am horny
Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
Randomize
