The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
Randomize
