I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
any advancement on the stomach flu vs. pregnancy scare of '10?
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
Randomize
