i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
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