I wish they had a smiley of two girls making out
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
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