That's intense
On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
where are my pants?
in the oven.
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize
