You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
Randomize
