Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
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