yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
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