i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
I need mimosas to revive my soul
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize
