Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
I had to cum in my sink.
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
Randomize
