Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
I can feel your judgement through the phone
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
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