this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
Randomize
