dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
Randomize