I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
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