This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
Randomize
