New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
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