Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
3some
You're right, stupid question.
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
Randomize
