ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
Randomize
