i justawanted to let you know that illi aalways be thwew for ui and o qill waasag youer dog whenebvet u wsnt
I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
Randomize
