The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
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