I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
Randomize
