planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
Randomize
