i'm lost and i look like a hooker
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
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