Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
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