You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
Randomize
