I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
Randomize
