I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
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