Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
Randomize
