Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
Randomize
