She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
Randomize
