Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
Randomize
