Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
Randomize
