Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
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