I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
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