Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
Randomize
