ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
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