Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
Normal people don't sit around and watch Degrassi for twelve hours...
FUCK YOU.
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
Randomize
