I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
Randomize
