Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
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