Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
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