Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
Look, I know why you're asking me, but just because I'm gay does not make me a wiki on butt sex. Ask a doctor or you know, the internet like everyone else.
Randomize