What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
Randomize
