i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
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