no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
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