i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
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