I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
Randomize
