from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
Randomize
