Jerry, you need to find god
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
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