My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
Randomize
