just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
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