I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
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