My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
Randomize