I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Randomize
