Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
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