a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
Randomize
