woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
Randomize