I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Randomize
